Recently my journey has moved inwards and outwards along the spiraling path in often surprising ways. I am learning to tune in to the deeper wisdom of my body – to take time to be still, focus within, and ask my body what wisdom she has to teach me. When I take the time to be with me, the answers are incredible. I am learning to truly value myself and my time, to really listen and feel the responses. Sometimes this tuning within has taken the form of movement as my body guides me to follow the sounds of a newly favourite Cd or DVD. This given me new understandings about my changing self. And led me to taking the time to do an inner inventory of what feels right for me now in this season of my life, what no longer works and how that’s being externally and internally reflected as my values and insights into me and my life evolve. The deep yearning and sense of something missing is disappearing: I am finding myself and she’s far different than I anticipated.
This weekend just past, I found myself asking: ‘what if life & your soul is painting you beyond all the techniques, beyond all the knowingness, beyond the you of now .... What if ??’ I’ve let myself sit with that: Feeling my soul, allowing my life painting to unfold. Then seeing what my soul’s life looks like. I’ve found this childlike innocence and naivety that wants to play, that is curious like Alice in Wonderland. So I set myself a task:
‘Today: I’m going to try something different : I’m going to be like Alice in Wonderland & find 6 impossible things to believe in - then I’m going to see how they manifest. Today I’m experiencing my life through the upside-down looking glass with the intention of dissolving my doubts & moving forward into new [impossible] ways of beingness.’ I feel my inner girl child’s excitement and remember how much I love it when I allow myself to play, have fun & walk with new eyes & new heart awareness.
I am astounded at what I saw through my upside-down glasses. Where previously I had held arrogance and contempt for my husband’s ‘3 year old behaviour’ I now had the compassion to see a frightened little boy who smothers his feelings & past hurts with alcohol and unconsciously uses temper tantrums to entice himself to stop and be still with him.
I discovered that another person who’d previously described my energy as ‘too big’ and had who had physically pushed me away was now reaching out and asking me to hold them while they shared a deep heart truth with the others we were with.
I saw that the wounded me who hadn’t fully accepted her fatter imperfect body could now laugh at the wounded archetypes I have within & how my loved ones act these out for me til I ‘get it’. And I was astounded even more to realise that I was now brave enough to accept the challenge when my teacher encouraged me to ‘take this to the next level’. I had huge butterflies in my stomach and quite a bit of dread about what might come out as I nervously stepped forward.
Through the upside down looking glasses I was able to ‘see’ - as I danced myself into awareness with the support of a group of amazing soul friends - me. I found myself letting go my defenses and shields, letting myself sob without caring what they thought of me or how they might judge me. Instead I chose to melt into those buckets of tears as I sang ‘you are so beautiful’ about me, to me, to the group and not the illusion of me in the bathroom mirror. I felt the support and the nurturing of these beautiful people in my whole being. I deeply allowed myself to experience and see them reflecting ‘you are so beautiful’ back to me as they held me, or whispered in my ears, or looked me in the eyes. I was shattered. And in this shattering, I am reborn.
Some time later during this past weekend, I reclaimed my name. I am Lynnette and I honour and embrace this beautiful name which my father gave me in his love for me. What I once viewed and ‘heard’ as a name used to ‘pull me into line’ now became the full power of my essence and its vibration.
And I’ve come to recognize the resistance I’d been holding on to. The fear of … whatever … and how this looked really different when seen through Alice’s glasses. I am discovering that all the old ways of looking at and valuing myself and areas of my life are dropping away. The upside-down looking glasses are a key to a freedom within that I didn’t know was there til I took the time to cherish myself enough beyond my beliefs to allow and accept what was in front of me, what was within me and what no longer holds true.
My inner vision through the upside-down looking glasses reminded me that rituals & ceremonies honour our achievements & milestones as they are a rich source of juicy deliciousness to nourish our lives. Which led me to accept the next phase of my journey by having a ceremony that honours these wiser years that I am stepping into .. the third or autumnal stage of the Moon as it were – not yet Crone/Elder, but yes, a somewhat wiser self. Now I’m ready .. with a bit of nervousness and apprehension, but kind of excited too.
I recalled the joy when our wylde women’s circle recently ‘acknowledged’ and celebrated Grandmother Rhonda Wandering Wind Whisperer and Grandmother Traute Crystal Star Dreamer. We worked together in a spirit of anticipation, wondering at the power of ceremony to unite as we came together to honour and celebrate our Elder Wyse Women. It was a time out of time experience, sharing a wonderful day of laughter, tears of joy, celebration, irreverence with respect, and a great sense of connectedness to all. We did this out of love for our Grandmothers and I can accept my Wyse Woman Ceremony out of love for myself and gratitude for the community of sacred sisters I sit in circle with.
And now my inner wyse woman invites you and I to BE barefoot in Spring & stay that way til Autumn … dance more .. ride merry-go-rounds .. smell wildflowers ... walk softly on Mother Earth and - be respectful enough of ourselves to pick up Alice’s upside-down looking glasses for a closer peek at what we really cherish within ourselves and our lives. Remember Sacred rituals and ceremony are amazing ways to honour new ways of BEing.
I thank the Grandmothers of the Sacred Directions who watch over us all - I am deeply grateful for the guidance you give me.
Namaste, Lynnette Rainbow Starfire / Dream Dancer